I made the hard decision not to visit back to Berlin/Germany/other destinations in Europe this fall, even though I'd had that as a goal in sight all year – I was only able to tear myself away from my Berlin life by promising to be back soon to visit! I want to see all my friends there and I want to be sure not to let that part of myself slip away – the part that lived in Europe for all my adult life so far, and traveled like traveling was breathing – so it's scary to decide not to visit there now, without knowing when a visit will happen instead. But right now figuring out What Am I Doing Here, Now...And Do I Have A Plan, At All? is requiring all my mental effort, and I know I need to focus on that first.
So I'm not visiting Berlin this fall after all, and I'm sad about that. But the other side of that decision is that I get to be here to watch all of glorious fall unfold for the first time since I left the US, and that is a deeply gladdening thing.
Also: Halloween! I cannot express how excited I am to be back in the land of Halloween for the first time in almost a decade. (Yes, Halloween as celebrated by Americans is drawn directly from British/Irish pagan traditions, and I will happily talk your ear off about those traditions if you like! But the fact remains that Halloween as imprinted on my child brain is a deeply North American holiday of falling leaves and crisp, early-dark evenings and porches decked out with pumpkins and spiderwebs, a joyous time of dressing up and spooky silliness that's delightfully kid-centered but with plenty of room for adults to get in on the fun, too.) I'm going to a proper Halloween party, I'm going to make a costume. These are simple-sounding things that are a big deal when you've been away from them for a decade.
So, fall in Upstate NY, it's good. Also, this:
